THE STRANGEST GIG I NEVER PLAYED

I felt sorry for Paul the promoter who looked resplendent in his silver boots , eyeliner , and giant Robert Smith styled hairdo and I apologise to him for the sad outcome to the evening.

Everything was cool when we arrived , Paul was playing some nice sounds through the pa , we sound checked , great on stage sound thanks to the very amiable sound man , Rosco and myself went out on the fire escape at the rear of the building to get some air and have a little light herbal refreshment after the long journey through the thick hot muggy day.

Little did we know that an eagle eyed petty minded nerk had us under surveillance, he slang into action and arrived at the scene bristling with indignation ,he issued a rapid fire verbal address to us , it happened so quick I hardly had time to take it all in , at first I blanked him but quickly became embroiled in one of the most senseless confrontations of my life , he would not listen to reason , having an audience of his own he sensed the opportunity to become the nights Uber Dick.

We were out on the street , trying to comprehend the situation , it was a surreal situation , Uber dick was not content with throwing us out the venue , we are told that if we have equipment inside we have to pick it up the next day!

At that point I know the guy has reached his pinnacle of idocy , he stands there smiling , shiny faced in his neatly ironed burgandy shirt , I know he is thinking ‘So what are you going to do now.’
Well I think a little , arrange our previous transgression into context , having been advised by him that our transgression is a major breach of UK law I decide that maybe it is better that The Police are involved , after all holding on to our equipment would be theft ,as regards the Bill’s opinion of our transgression , I thought , i’ll take a chance on that.

But we had all our gear so we did not need to go back in , Uber Dick had assembled the doormen just incase we tried an orchestrated assault on the building , there was talk of shifting the gig to another venue but after a while the bands began playing and we had to accept that we were not going to play.
Before I left I asked the biggest doorman a question, ‘Tell me honestly dude , have you ever smoked a joint .’
‘Not in a bar .’ he replied , I looked into his eyes ‘ I can tell you are on our side .’ I said , he was I was sure of it.

Liquor and Treble’s, Lincoln , the cheapest treble’s in town , yeah , drink , drink and more fucking drink but think about indulging in some Caribbean mild herbal mind balm then watch out cause a self important jerk in a neat burgandy shirt will piss in your chips , he just gets off on this kind of thing , you know the type , young , good looking but with that disability that is so hard to notice , an innate compulsion to be an anus .

As regards the law and our perceived transgression , whatever laws exist regarding the use of prohibited substances such as our herbal mind balm are as most sane people know , including many Police officers are unworkable and an affront to civil liberty , times are changing and I am happy to welcome these changes.

In Durham which is geographically close to Lincoln The Police force has very wisely adopted a progressive policy towards the prohibited substance Cannabis , this allows The Police to devote more time and resources into tackling more important issues .
So for those people like our over zealous bar manager and all the unenlightened people in this country who wish to staunchly uphold our archaic drug laws I would say you are screwed , your small minded parochial standpoint just ain’t gonna cut it in todays society .

No more pointless prosecutions and wasted Police time , you never know some of these people who have a downer on the section of society that embrace’s alternatives to getting drunk may just pull their heads out of their arses and turn on to a better way .

Anyway apology to the good folk of Lincoln for this most ridiculous senario .

Legalise it but don’t criticise it .

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